It is always said that when life throws you punches one needs to roll with them. I agree with this statement but also know from experience at the moment that is very hard to roll with them when they are mixing your life up like a mix tape. There are many things going on and many different emotions swirling the air creating different moods.
Family comes first in my life and I would do anything for my family members. Right now there is a lot of stuff going on at home. I always thought I would be living with my mom and dad but now that has changed. It is such a big change for me being the only woman in the house. I never thought my mom would leave and my parents would be going through a divorce. I just did not see it coming or nor do i understand it. I can feel that I am taking over the “motherly” role of the house. I don’t mind it but I guess I did not expect to feel and do these things totally till I was married. I want to be there and help me dad out at the house as much as I can considering we both work 40 hours and plus a week. I will do a little and dad will do a little and my brother will pitch in a little bit. That being said I feel like I have pushed all of my friends away and do nothing but go to work and then home. I feel like I should be at home more and not galavanting around with friends. In hard times family sticks together.
I am also trying to help take care of my grandma. Her memory is really going and I have been taking her to her appointments. It is keeping me busy with setting her appointments around my work schedule. I love being able to help my grandma. I don’t want anything to happen to my grandma and I want to make sure she is getting taken care of.
When a stressor such as a family event happens, most other relationships are stressed. I feel like my boyfriend and I’s relationship has really been a bit rough lately. I want to be there for him and spend time with him but i also feel like I need to be at home. I love him too much to not hang out with him and let him that I am still there for him when I am going through such a hard time right now. I love him so much and he keeps me sane when I am going crazy. :)
I guess that being said I am trying to juggle work, home life, friends and craig. No wonder I am always tired. I want to make everybody happy but in the long run I am making myself unhappy and feeling like I am letting a lot of people down. I hate that feeling but I am trying to do all that I can and in my head I feel like I should be doing better at handling the situations. I am just going to say it... I hate life right now...my stress level is so high right now but I am trying to find peace in all of this. I am trying to get back into church but it is so hard for me to do that right now. I don’t understand why the Lord would constantly want to keep putting all of this in my life. I have lost so much faith and I can’t seem to get my butt back to church because I don’t want anyone to think i am a bad person for having not been going to church for like a year. I don’t know what to do.
Right now I am just going with the present. Working and starting up school in a month for graphic design. I am hoping this works out and that life will get to normal routine here soon. I can’t take much more on my plate of life right now. I just want to see a glimmer of hope and peace in this time but I just can’t seem to find it.
Sincerely,
Me Struggling
So I guess it isn't a secret. It was here on blogger all along. I had know idea you were struggling with all of this stuff. But, I know what you are going through. Blogger is the friend you can vent to and not feel like you are wasting peoples time. Don't take all of this stuff so hard. I'd be happy to help with your grandma if I can. I'd also be happy to go back to church with you if you are afraid. I haven't been to "church" in 2 years. I do, however, spend like 8 hour on Saturday with our fellowship, reading and studying scripture.
ReplyDeleteI'm close if you need anything. Don't be afraid to ask people for help.
also, I have a good friend that is a graphic designer. Maybe I could take you to church and we could meet up with her. Anyway, I'm available. FB me :)