It is always said that when life throws you punches one needs to roll with them. I agree with this statement but also know from experience at the moment that is very hard to roll with them when they are mixing your life up like a mix tape. There are many things going on and many different emotions swirling the air creating different moods.
Family comes first in my life and I would do anything for my family members. Right now there is a lot of stuff going on at home. I always thought I would be living with my mom and dad but now that has changed. It is such a big change for me being the only woman in the house. I never thought my mom would leave and my parents would be going through a divorce. I just did not see it coming or nor do i understand it. I can feel that I am taking over the “motherly” role of the house. I don’t mind it but I guess I did not expect to feel and do these things totally till I was married. I want to be there and help me dad out at the house as much as I can considering we both work 40 hours and plus a week. I will do a little and dad will do a little and my brother will pitch in a little bit. That being said I feel like I have pushed all of my friends away and do nothing but go to work and then home. I feel like I should be at home more and not galavanting around with friends. In hard times family sticks together.
I am also trying to help take care of my grandma. Her memory is really going and I have been taking her to her appointments. It is keeping me busy with setting her appointments around my work schedule. I love being able to help my grandma. I don’t want anything to happen to my grandma and I want to make sure she is getting taken care of.
When a stressor such as a family event happens, most other relationships are stressed. I feel like my boyfriend and I’s relationship has really been a bit rough lately. I want to be there for him and spend time with him but i also feel like I need to be at home. I love him too much to not hang out with him and let him that I am still there for him when I am going through such a hard time right now. I love him so much and he keeps me sane when I am going crazy. :)
I guess that being said I am trying to juggle work, home life, friends and craig. No wonder I am always tired. I want to make everybody happy but in the long run I am making myself unhappy and feeling like I am letting a lot of people down. I hate that feeling but I am trying to do all that I can and in my head I feel like I should be doing better at handling the situations. I am just going to say it... I hate life right now...my stress level is so high right now but I am trying to find peace in all of this. I am trying to get back into church but it is so hard for me to do that right now. I don’t understand why the Lord would constantly want to keep putting all of this in my life. I have lost so much faith and I can’t seem to get my butt back to church because I don’t want anyone to think i am a bad person for having not been going to church for like a year. I don’t know what to do.
Right now I am just going with the present. Working and starting up school in a month for graphic design. I am hoping this works out and that life will get to normal routine here soon. I can’t take much more on my plate of life right now. I just want to see a glimmer of hope and peace in this time but I just can’t seem to find it.
Sincerely,
Me Struggling
