New Starts and New Stresses comes with New Blessings

It has been quite awhile since I have really been able to blog. A lot has been going on lately and has definitely been stretching me in many ways.

Leaving IWU and moving back home was a great challenge and a different change. It felt weird to be going from living in a dorm surrounded by all my friends to going home where I had to drive to see my friends. As well as leaving there I left many friends. Many of them which I really miss. While this has been rough, I have been provided with an awesome major and program at Ivy Tech South Bend for graphic design. Also a good group of friends to spend good times with at school and in class. I am also glad i could be home to support and go through my parents divorce this summer. It was something in my life that I never thought would happen to my family but each day we are living and getting used to what this changed life for us and for our mom is. This has for sure changed me.

The main big blessing I have had lately is getting a second job. I love working at the library but there are times where I need a bit more money so I took on a second job. Between that and school I stay quite busy. anyways, I got a job with Warsaw Home Helpers. It is a non-medical based in home care. I have had the privilege of spending most of my weekend with one of the clients who has been diagnosed with lung cancer. This family has been through a lot in the past week or two and I am glad I can be here to lighten their load. the client and I have bonded well in the just 20 hours we have been together. While i did not like the 14 hour day yesterday, when i walked into their house this early afternoon I guess he had been asking where I had been. I am so glad I took this job. Working with this client really has shown me that I am really going to enjoy working in people lives.

While life seems to suck a lot with me and in that i have alot i am doing, i know that i am making a difference in peoples lives and also changing myself at the same time. I guess I just need to keep keeping faith because the Lord never seems to fail me.

Those Little Reminders

This morning here at work, I decided to open up my Jesus Calling book and just see what it read today. Here is what it read:

          Sit quietly in my presence while I bless you. Make your mind like a pool of water, ready to receive whatever thoughts I drop into it. Rest in my Sufficiency, as you consider the challenges this day presents. Do not wear yourself out by worrying about whether you can cope with the pressures. Keep looking to me and communicating with me, as we walk through this day together.
         
         Take time to rest by the wayside, for I am not in a hurry. A leisurely pace accomplishes more than hurried striving. When you rush, your forget who you are and Whose you are. Remember that you are royalty in my kingdom.
         
          Bible Verses: Psalm 37:7
                               1 Peter 2:9

This is just really encouraging. The more and more I think about it, I would not be handling the situation with my parents divorce the way I am if I did not have the peace that the lord was there and keeping me under his wing. It has been rough, what divorce between your parents isn't? With the people I am surrounding myself with and the help of the Lord almighty I have gotten through the situation so far and will continue to keep looking to him for guidance and peace.

While it may not seem like it, the Lord is there and shaping me and my family as we go through this time.

When your World takes a 180

It is always said that when life throws you punches one needs to roll with them. I agree with this statement but also know from experience at the moment that is very hard to roll with them when they are mixing your life up like a mix tape. There are many things going on and many different emotions swirling the air creating different moods.

Family comes first in my life and I would do anything for my family members. Right now there is a lot of stuff going on at home. I always thought I would be living with my mom and dad but now that has changed. It is such a big change for me being the only woman in the house. I never thought my mom would leave and my parents would be going through a divorce. I just did not see it coming or nor do i understand it. I can feel that I am taking over the “motherly” role of the house. I don’t mind it but I guess I did not expect to feel and do these things totally till I was married. I want to be there and help me dad out at the house as much as I can considering we both work 40 hours and plus a week. I will do a little and dad will do a little and my brother will pitch in a little bit. That being said I feel like I have pushed all of my friends away and do nothing but go to work and then home. I feel like I should be at home more and not galavanting around with friends. In hard times family sticks together.

I am also trying to help take care of my grandma. Her memory is really going and I have been taking her to her appointments. It is keeping me busy with setting her appointments around my work schedule. I love being able to help my grandma. I don’t want anything to happen to my grandma and I want to make sure she is getting taken care of.

When a stressor such as a family event happens, most other relationships are stressed. I feel like my boyfriend and I’s relationship has really been a bit rough lately. I want to be there for him and spend time with him but i also feel like I need to be at home. I love him too much to not hang out with him and let him that I am still there for him when I am going through such a hard time right now. I love him so much and he keeps me sane when I am going crazy. :)

I guess that being said I am trying to juggle work, home life, friends and craig. No wonder I am always tired. I want to make everybody happy but in the long run I am making myself unhappy and feeling like I am letting a lot of people down. I hate that feeling but I am trying to do all that I can and in my head I feel like I should be doing better at handling the situations. I am just going to say it... I hate life right now...my stress level is so high right now but I am trying to find peace in all of this. I am trying to get back into church but it is so hard for me to do that right now. I don’t understand why the Lord would constantly want to keep putting all of this in my life. I have lost so much faith and I can’t seem to get my butt back to church because I don’t want anyone to think i am a bad person for having not been going to church for like a year. I don’t know what to do.

Right now I am just going with the present. Working and starting up school in a month for graphic design. I am hoping this works out and that life will get to normal routine here soon. I can’t take much more on my plate of life right now. I just want to see a glimmer of hope and peace in this time but I just can’t seem to find it.

Sincerely,

Me Struggling

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan You're sending us out, light in this broken land

"All authority, every victory is Yours

All authority, every victory is Yours"

Life has needless to say been quite the roller coaster. There have been many ups and downs. Each of these ups and downs has brought us different situations and solutions.
The other day some of my plans went and had to change and it was not that hard to change them. That got me thinking that with my family now we have been quite used to this whole plans changing all the time.       "when plans change there is nothing you can do about it but figure yourself out another plan. no need to fret over the little things."
That has seemed to be the theme of our lives now. I am constantly working and not home much and when i am it is to sleep and eat. Most of my time is spent at work and then a bit at my boyfriends house then home for some sleep. I feel like I should be home more since my mom is not able to drive and I could be there if she ever wants to go anywhere. We have not found any answer as to why she has been sick. We just finished our rounds of going to Cleveland Clinic to get lots of tests done and they got back on Monday with the answer of the doctors not knowing how to help her...so once again we are back at square one. I am praying we find some sort of an answer to why she is having the balance and heat problems.
This has been stressful on the whole family. Adding the graduation of my brother puts alot more on our plates. We are getting ready for his graduation party. I am so proud of my brother. Congrats!

It will be a glorious time.
I myself have been busy with work and going to lots of weddings. What wonderful times to celebrate the marriage of all of my friends. It keeps me busy but I love to be there for them and see them marry the loves of their lives.
That being said..I guess  I just want to say that life has been quite crazy but we have all been surrounded by an awesome group of friends and family to keep us sane and get through life.
The Lord has truly been looking out for us. He has been here the whole time while it does not seem like he has in the moment and the past. We will get through this.

life...

Yep...this is how I feel right now...I just love family...

oh summer...

the summer has started out with a bang. I get to enjoy it with my wonderful boyfriend. and I now have two jobs so that i can make more money and do more stuff. I love both of my jobs and all that has been happening this summer. some things have been hard but i have gotten through them. i am sad to not be in school right now but a summer break is always good and allows me to do things i am not able in the summer. i am excited to see what the rest of the summer brings.

Here is a picture of this past weekend when I was a part of a Cystic Fibrosis walk in south bend with my boyfriend and friend. it was a good time and something I hope to continue to support.

Hope you all have good summer days and I hope to start blogging some more. :)

a pure pure pure tired girl...

I just wanted to say that I realize now how much I am still messing up my life that I continue to push away the people that I am getting close too. I feel as if the closer i am getting to a person i just keep pushing them away lately. I do not mean too. I just want to understand...so if i have pushed you away...please please please dont feel bad. I am trying to not do this and I really feel super bad about it all.

bleh...